Bottom Line Jokes V


Monday  Tuesday  Wednesday  Thursday  Friday  Archives


You know you're living in 2013 when...

1.       You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2.       You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

3.       It's dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.

4.       Every week another brown collection envelope comes round because someone you didn't know had started is leaving

5.       The most work experienced person gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.

6.       Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers"

7.       The only reason you recognise your kids is because their pictures are on your desk

8.       Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet

9.       Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job

10.  There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.

11.  You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

12.  Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

13.  You wonder who's going to be left to put into your 'leaving' collection

14.  You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor

15.  Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes

16.  You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise

17.  You learn about your redundancy on the 9 o'clock news

18.  Your company welcome sign is attached with velcro

19.  You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you

20.  You know exactly how many days you've got left until you retire.

21.  Your boss's favourite lines are:
- When you've got a few minutes..
- Could you fit this in in your spare time..
- When you're freed up..
- I know you're busy but..
- I have an opportunity for you..

22.  Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.

23.  Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital

24.  Your CV is accessible from everywhere

25.  Holiday is something you roll over to next year or a cheque you get in January

26.  Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

27.  When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

28.  When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "0" to get an outside line.

29.  You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies

30.  Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

31.  You read this entire list , kept nodding and you understood it.

 

 

 

CS Intranet

thearteria